by Jenny Williams

Silvia

Silvia,

It’s been 1 week and 4 days since you passed away. I’ve needed to write this every day since then but I couldn’t. I didn’t know how.

You were born on January 2, 1951.  You died on September 20, 2018.

In between, I got to know you for 9 years.  You were my mother-in-law for almost 7 of those years.

I’m not good at letting people get close to me. As one of my friends said about me, “It takes a lot of time with her.” And it does. But we ran out of time and I’m sorry for that.

For someone like me, you were the perfect mother-in-law. Always available, but never intrusive. You made it abundantly clear that having kids makes life better but never judged Eric and me for not having any.

You always made me feel welcome in your family. I got the same pyjamas and comfy sweaters as all the other girls at Christmas. You sent me a birthday card every year. You understood that I am a texter and not good on the phone. I never felt left out and I always felt that you were happy for me and Eric. ♥

You were a badass chick! You would tell stories, or more often, others would tell stories about your younger days and I would feel like an old lady in comparison!  You had some crazy adventures and that badassery stayed with you all the way to the end!

We found out you were sick on July 26, 2018, and you died 8 weeks later. I still don’t understand it. Pancreatic Cancer. Bastard.

You were surrounded by people who love you in your last days. When you finally passed we were all there and we breathed sighs of relief that your pain was over and cried tears of pain because you were gone.

I kept hearing that voice in my head telling me this is why we don’t get close to people. The pain. There’s always the pain. But as I sat there and watched people hold your hand and talk to you and weep there was a louder voice telling me that pain born of love is beautiful in itself. We are lucky to feel this pain. I still hate it, but I will open myself to the pain and the love and feel it all and cry the tears and miss you. I will love Eric and make sure he is okay as long as I have breath.

I wish I’d had more time with you.

I love you.

♥

3 thoughts on “Silvia”

  1. hi. jenny’s blog brought me to you.

    this is a beautiful tribute to your mother-in-law. i like to believe when people go that their bodies do, but their spirits are free to roam this earth and make it heaven for them, that they can come and go as they please now, visit whomever they wish whenever they wish. i like to imagine your mother-in-law sitting beside you as you wrote this, reading it over your shoulder…

    and that every time someone reads it, she is roaming the halls of your home, or walking along with you, present but unseen. loving you in a different way than she could have before.

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